that’s not love

I remembered something recently that happened some time in 2013, when I was a sophomore in university.

Bitmoji Image

I was getting ready to do my study abroad in Japan and was talking to a person, Ms. P., that worked at the university. She helped with the Japanese program sometimes. We were hanging out in the Japanese house and drinking coffee, working on things and kind of just chatting.

We somehow got onto the topic of love lives, as chatting ladies often do.

Now, keep in mind, this was right before I studied abroad and met my darling husband.

She asked me why I didn’t have a boyfriend and I told her that it was because I hadn’t felt love yet. I wasn’t going to waste time on a spark that didn’t exist or ‘fool around’ because that wasn’t my thing.

She asked me what I was looking for, exactly.

So I told her. I was looking for someone that made me heart pound and gave me butterflies. Someone who could make me feel safe and vulnerable at the same time. Someone that would make me break down my walls and open up. Someone who would put me first and that I wanted to put first. Someone who could make me smile simply if I think of them. Someone who the thought of losing would bring a physical pain to my chest. …. I mean, not in these exact words, but pretty much.

bursting with love

She laughed at me and said, “That’s not love. That’s romanticized BS that movies portray. If you don’t lower your standards, you’ll be alone forever.”

Excuse Me

I didn’t let on how angry it made me, but I did tell her that it was a risk I was willing to take.

I am so glad I did… because I found Yohei.

Yohei and I have been together since 2014 and he still makes my heart pound and still gives me butterflies. He makes me feel safe and vulnerable at the same time. He broke down all my walls and taught me to open up. He puts me first and I put him first. Thinking of him makes me smile and saying goodbye for long periods of time does feel like a physical pain in my heart. But it isn’t just these things.

tic tac toe

It’s that he still messages me to make sure I’m okay if I’m running late.

He checks on me when I feel sick and offers to make me dinner even though he only knows how to make maybe three dishes.

He still thanks me for doing the dishes and still compliments my cooking even though I do it every night.

He buys me roses every Valentine’s Day even though it’s supposed to be girls that give guys gifts on that day in Japan.

He asked my Dad for permission to purpose even though it wasn’t how his own culture does it.

It’s the fact that he tries so hard to talk in English to my family when we Skype and remembers facts about them.

It’s that he gets so excited when my nephew calls him “Uncle Yohei”.

claw machine

I can go on and on. And you know what? He was worth the wait, 1000%. I mean, sure, he has his faults. I didn’t find this perfect man hiding in Japan.

He is a bit of a slob… he leaves things laying around and I need to pick up after him a lot. He snores and wakes me up by scratching his eczema and shaking the whole bed. He has incredibly odd thought processes like how he is okay leaving food out on the stove all night and eating it the next day but thinks chocolate has to go into the fridge…?

I'm lost

But I wouldn’t change anything about him.

I mean, I would heal his skin issues if I could, but that would be for his own comfort…

You know what I mean.

So… screw you, Ms. P. That is love.

Love

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