anxiety

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I have always suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. They aren’t anything new for me. When I was in high school, in particular. Being around large groups of people would cause them sometimes but it was usually my own head that was the problem. I didn’t have many friends (or any, really) so I was often alone with my thoughts.

According to mayoclinic.org

Panic attacks typically include some of these signs or symptoms:

  • Sense of impending doom or danger
  • Fear of loss of control or death
  • Rapid, pounding heart rate
  • Sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Shortness of breath or tightness in your throat
  • Chills
  • Hot flashes
  • Nausea
  • Abdominal cramping
  • Chest pain
  • Headache
  • Dizziness, lightheadedness or faintness
  • Numbness or tingling sensation
  • Feeling of unreality or detachment

I’ve changed some of those symptoms to red… Those are the ones that I usually have. In a previous post, I wrote about how my awesome friends helped me down from a recent panic attack. That was the first one I had had in years. It was a scary experience that I thought I was finished with. Recently, though, they seem to have started back up.

I talked to my husband about it and he is worried about me. He wants to help me talk to a doctor about these issues. I am very lucky that I have someone who can help me feel safe and that wants to look out for me. Not everyone has that.

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Many people don’t understand what panic attacks are or why they happen. In fact, I have heard people tell me to just “shake it off” or “stop freaking out, it isn’t a big deal”. Panic attacks aren’t that easy to ‘shake off’ though. I know that for me, I need to be somewhere with very few people, ample breathing space, and someone I love just sitting nearby. I don’t always need to be talked to or reassured. Just that presence is often enough to calm me down enough to where I can think rationally and calm myself down.

Everyone has their own comfort situations, though. While people talking to me can often make it worse, many other people need it to come down. I need quiet while others need loud music. I need space while others need hugs. My husband and friends know what I need to calm down and help me when I can’t necessarily help myself. I said it before and I will say it again: I’m lucky.

Now, all of this is coming back up at a weird time. Corona is taking over the world and throwing life out of whack. If you don’t already know this then you are living under a rock at the bottom of the sea. While much of the rest of the world seems to be healing and opening back up, Japan seems to be just starting to actually get hit. Everything has started closing down and changing. Our state of emergency was extended.

stay home

However, thing are looking up. We have been having more kids come to school so they are talking about lifting the rotation thing that they teachers are on, so my paycheck would be back to normal-ish, minus the two or three days I’ve already been off. We were also told that we can start the curriculum back up in June, finally! Let’s just hope it sticks this time…

Some of the stores near the station in my work city have opened back up. The mall, too. To get into the mall, though, you have to have your temperature taken. You get denied entry if it’s over a certain point. I was finally able to go to the stationary store to pick up some things for work. Mostly binders to hold my worksheets and stamps for the communication books.

More people have started going to the supermarkets and panic-buying food. I think that may have a large part in my anxiety. It reminds me of when a big typhoon hit here last year and everyone bought out the whole supermarket. There was nothing – no meat, instant food, bread, bottled drinks… The shelves were empty. It was actually really scary.

People have been buying out the stores again but I’m not sure why. It seems like it’s always busy in there so they aren’t stocking up to stay in, obviously.

I am the type of person to plan ahead. I plan dinner a week at a time and still write grocery lists on paper. The fear of not knowing what is going to happen is driving me crazy.

I will keep you updated though.

sending good vibes

Stay safe.

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