Back in March, I started working at an international kindergarten as a homeroom teacher. Now, I may work with kids, but I am dead set against having them myself. I don’t want them. I never have. My husband and I talked about it and we agreed that we don’t want them. Nothing ruffles my feathers, though, like when people tell me what they constantly do.
“You’ll change your mind.”
“You’re just too young right now.”
“It’s different when they’re yours.”
“You”ll regret it.”
“Who will take care of you when you’re old?”
The list goes on and on.
But see, here’s the thing, folks: I’m pretty sure that I know me better than you know me. I’m already in my late twenties. I don’t have even the tiniest sliver of a doubt in my mind about my decision. Again, I do not want children.
That being said, I don’t have anything against people who do have/want them. That’s great. Good for you. It’s your life and your decision. All I ask is that you respect my decision as I respect yours. What if I threw phrases at you?
“You’ll regret it.”
“Such a financial burden!”
“So loud in public!”
“You’ll never get to go out again!”
The list goes on and on…
For those of you that read that, though, and scoffed out a, “That’s ridiculous,” welcome to my life. What’s ridiculous to me is that people don’t respect my decision to not have kids. I mean, it’s my life. It’s my body. Stop assuming you know me.
If I change my mind, it’s my business. It’s unlikely though. Quit acting all-knowing.
Don’t throw that “You’re just too young!” crap at me, either! I’m at the average child-bearing age. If that’s too young then a LOT of people in the world are screwed. The fact that I’m at the average child bearing age and I am not even considering having kids probably means that I’m not going to change my mind.
I don’t care if it’s different when they’re mine. I still don’t want them. I like saying bye to kids at teh end of the day and going home to a quiet, clean, empty house. I love spending the evenings alone with my husband.
Telling me I’ll regret it? Excuse me? Screw you. How do you know? Again, don’t act all-knowing. If I truly regret it and it’s too late, guess what. I can adopt. That is a heck of a lot easier than having a child and regretting it afterward. And for those of you that thought, “That won’t happen!” Hate to break it to you but I know a few people that woke up to find a parent had ran off from responsibility; my own mother’s mother did so.
“That’s selfish.” I never understood this one. What is selfish about not wanting kids? Thanks to me sister, my parents already have grandchildren so I’m not robbing them of that. What, am I stealing a potential friend from someone? Keeping the next possible world leader? War hero? Teacher? It’s all stipulation. So what makes it selfish?
What’s selfish to me is telling me that I’m doing something wrong by not bringing another life into the world when there are already so many children that need parents. I like working with kids but I don’t want to go home to them, too. I know a lot of parents feel the same way: after a long day of work, they just want to go home and relax. As a result, they end up dumping their kids on babysitters, day cares, and other family members. I see kids all day cry over how much they miss Mommy and Daddy. I won’t have a kid.
And as or who will take care of my when I’m old? I plan on taking care of myself now as best as possible so that I hopefully can live on my own and die in my own bed. If that’s impossible, thanks to my mother who works in the elder care field, I know the right questions to ask and how to find the best home possible. I’m not one of those anti-home people. I mean, yeah, bad homes suck but good homes exist too.
So next time you hear someone say that they don’t want kids, instead of throwing one of those stupid (and extremely annoying) phrases at them, just tell them that you can respect their decision and that kids aren’t for everyone. Or if you’re close enough, as them why. Maybe they have a legitimate reason. Don’t be so quick to judge.